Johnny is at the store with his parents. He is told he cannot have a toy that he wants, so he throws himself to the ground and begins to wail, crying and stomping his feet on the ground in the middle of the aisle. Johnny has become emotionally dysregulated.
What is emotional dysregulation? What might it look like for my child?
Emotional dysregulation is when an individual has trouble controlling their emotions (their internal state) and how they let those emotions out (or how their emotions manifest externally). This can look different for each person, but may look like:
- Crying and screaming for extended periods of time
- Engaging in hitting, kicking, biting, etc. towards another person or towards themselves
- Outbursts/tantrums with higher intensity or length of time than is typical
- Inability to calm down even with an adult assisting
Emotional dysregulation can cause challenges for your child and family if it impedes their ability to make friends and other social connections, impedes their ability to engage in a meaningful way in their community, or when symptoms of emotional dysregulation cause a threat to themselves or others (such as with aggression).
What causes emotional dysregulation?
Emotional dysregulation is a typical occurrence in young children who have not yet developed the skills to manage their own emotions (remember Johnny? If he was a 2 year old, this would not be uncommon, as toddlers may frequently become dysregulated!). When the individual is met with a frustrating or overwhelming situation, they may react in a way that may appear to be an overreaction (or a reaction not proportionate to the situation). As children age, they develop the ability to emotionally regulate (generally by watching others around them model emotional regulation).
For a child with autism, these skills may take more time to develop due to a variety of factors including (but not limited to) increased sensory sensitivities, difficulty with social situations and understanding emotions, hyperfixations (for example, on the situation that sparked the frustration/overwhelm), or difficulty with unexpected changes.
What can I do as a caregiver to help prevent dysregulation?
There are strategies you can use to help your child remain regulated! Attempt to identify when your child becomes dysregulated so you can better prepare in advance. For example:
- My child becomes dysregulated when things change/routine is thrown off: Prepare your child as much as possible (called “priming”) when you can anticipate changes to their routine. Talk through the changes to their day with them in advance AND when they are calm.
- My child becomes dysregulated due to sensory challenges (e.g. when their environment is loud, bright, etc.): Prepare in advance for these factors in their environment (for example, consider noise canceling headphones if your child is sensitive to sound and you are going to a loud environment).
- My child becomes dysregulated around other children: Other children can be more overwhelming than adults as their own behavior can be less predictable! Try to avoid locations that are the most challenging for your child (such as if they struggle with large groups of children…This isn’t forever! You can work to increase the number of children your child is around over time). Use priming to prepare your child for the children that will be there, the expectations for being around the children, and what your child can do if they feel overwhelmed (such as ask for a break away from the group).
How should I respond as a caregiver if my child becomes dysregulated?
It is likely that sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, your child will become dysregulated anyway. In these situations, keep your CARs in mind:
- Stay Calm! Children often pick up on the adults’ emotions so it is important to remember to maintain your own regulation in front of your child (you can take deep breaths, speak in a quiet voice, and keep your body low to the ground at eye level with your child to model emotional regulation).
- Arrange the Environment for Safety: If your child is engaging in dangerous behavior (such as property destruction or attempting to hurt another person), make sure to maintain safety in the environment by removing any potentially dangerous items. Remove other children from the area or remove your child from the environment (if you can do so safely) to a quiet area away from others.
- Time to Regulate: Give your child time to calm down and regulate. You know your child best and this may look different for each child…some children may calm down by sitting with and hugging them, while another child may want to be left alone until they are calm. During this time, it is generally best to avoid talking through the situation; once your child has calmed down, you may then want to debrief with your child (if they have the language to discuss the situation) to help identify the triggers your child experienced so you can be better prepared for next time!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Caitlin (she/her) has her Masters degree in Social Work and has been a Board Certified Behavior Analyst for over 10 years. She is passionate about working with families to navigate accessing services that support the whole family system. She lives in Colorado with her 2 children.